Adam And Danielle: When is Sharing Your Story Too Much (And What’s The Real Benefit?)

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Do we really need to tell personal stories in our business? Should we? And when is it too much?

This is a question that comes up a lot with students in Captivate. So, Danielle and Adam tackle it head on to share some important considerations.

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Transcription of Interview

(Transcribed by Otter.ai, there may be errors)

Adam G. Force 00:03

Welcome to the Change Creator podcast where entrepreneurs come to learn how to live their truth, get rich and make a massive difference in the world. I’m your host Adam forest co founder, Change Creator and co creator of the captivate method. Each week we talk to experts about leadership digital marketing and sales strategies that you can implement in your business and life to go big visit us at Change Creator comm forward slash go big to grab awesome resources that will help drive your business forward. Hey, what’s going on everybody? Welcome back to the show, Adam force here. excited for today’s conversation. So you know we do a bunch of Facebook Lives and sometimes we bring these conversations to the podcast so you guys can check it out here. So Danielle, Danielle, and I spoke about you know, when is it when in sharing your story too much like when like what stories do we tell what do we hold back and what’s really the benefit here of taking these steps? It’s something that we hear a lot. And we had recently in one of our coaching sessions, Danielle is one of the CO creators of the calculate method. So we were in there with some of the people there. And they were, you know, they had some stories and questions like, when is it going too far, because certain things you might feel ashamed is too personal. Why do we even need to share these things? And when do we hold back? So we’re going to talk about that today. And if you missed last week’s episodes with Blair Shepherd, where Shepherd is the head of global strategy and leadership at Price Waterhouse Coopers massive company around the world, and he’s done some incredible work, and he’s identified these four global crises and the solutions, which is where you guys come into play. So big picture conversation, really deep topics, you’ll get a lot out of it, it’ll really get the wheels turning in your brains. So guys, check that out if you haven’t already. And don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, join the Facebook group, you know, go to Change creator.com forward slash go big, lots of goodies there. And without further ado, guys, we’re in To jump into this conversation with Daniel, okay, show me the heat. No, you go dude. What’s up everybody, Adam here co founder, Change Creator and Danielle, what up?

Danielle Sutton 02:20

Hello. Hello, everybody.

Adam G. Force 02:23

So, you know, we were just on a coaching call together Danielle is one of the CO creators of the captivate method. And we were inspired to come on here and just share an idea about sharing your story, right? We’ve seen through our experience coaching lots of entrepreneurs that sometimes not only do they wonder, Well, why would I share my story? But what is really the benefit? And an interesting question came up today about a very personalized story and is it oversharing? Like, when is it too much? Right? So that’s, that was a really interesting question, Danny, I’m gonna let you Just kind of if you don’t mind, we can TSF a little bit with kind of where where we were taking this idea of oversharing and why it’s so important.

Danielle Sutton 03:10

Yeah, for sure. So I mean, I think it is a question that’s come up a lot with different people in our program and that I’ve had just personal conversations like, okay, so you’re talking about storytelling, but why do I share my own story? And really, ultimately, it’s about building trust. Right. And I think we’ve talked about that before. But let’s get into the details of how that happens when you’re talking about your own experience, or even sharing the more vulnerable pieces, because the thing is, with surface level stories, they don’t necessarily they might teach a lesson. They’re kind of like the moral of the story is this, but does it create connection in the same way that going deeper or sharing something a little more vulnerable, a little more? You know, something you wouldn’t share with everybody. So then the question of the What is that point? Because you don’t want to overshare but also how do you get under the surface so that you can create more connection and more trust. So I was telling Adam, before we jumped on about this memory I have when I was really little, and I was maybe 10 or so. And I had met a new person I don’t know, at school or at a summer camp or something. And I remember her saying, she leaned over, she’s like, do you know how you make really good friends, you know, picture 10 year old girls, right? She’s like leaning and you tell them a secret that only you shared with them. And and that creates a bond instantly. And then you can go off on your merry way and have a bunch of fun, right? So I thought it was an interesting insight, especially for a 10 year old, but it relates to exactly what we’re talking about. Because, yeah, so jump in Adam

Adam G. Force 04:49

Sure. So, you know, when we’re running businesses, and we decide, okay, I know I have a story to tell my story. And sometimes entrepreneurs will tell us like, Well, why don’t I have to share my Story, all they care about is the business, the product and what we’re doing. And the stories behind that. Yes, those things are important. But today, people are raising red flags when it comes to marketing. And they’re going to say, I don’t only just want to know what’s in it for me, but what’s in it for you, as the CEO of that business, right. And so when we’re in, especially that zero to $10,000, a month range, we’re connecting with people, we have to have more intimate relationships to build a foundation of clients or our audience. And that is a relationship building process. And so part of that is, you know, you’re sharing value to these people, which means you might have tough lessons, you’ve learned big failures or things that make you feel a little bit uncomfortable. You kind of put them in the back of your subconscious don’t really want to think about it anymore. But it’s a powerful lesson that you’ve learned. And maybe if you share it with people, not only does it tie into what your business is all about, but they benefit and they Learn that same lesson. So the reason we’re really sharing these stories is not just to have fun and talk about the business, it’s to actually help people and to build more intimate bonds with people. So now you’re getting a loyal customer. And like I love Daniella, your example of the little girl who tells the secret because now you’re sharing something. Have you ever had someone say to you like, wow, I really appreciate you like sharing that with me, because I know maybe it was tough and you’re sharing something that is just a little bit more vulnerable. And it goes a long way in building relationships, right?

Danielle Sutton 06:37

Yeah, for sure. And it it like we said, creates that trust because why would you tell you know, if you’re putting yourself out there and sharing something that’s a little bit uncomfortable, potentially. You have you know, that recognition that this was really tough for me or hard on me in a certain way, or it was embarrassing or I’m ashamed of it or I wish I did things differently and by sharing it Not only is it a little tough for you, but you’re doing it because you’re helping the other person. And so they recognize that they will know from the story that that must have been hard to share. Because that you As humans, we put ourselves in each other’s shoes and you imagine yourself in that story, and you think, Oh my gosh, like that sucks, or that must have been really hard, or I can’t believe they went through that. And so instantly, you have that connection, because you’ve both one of you has been there and one of you is imagined being there. And it brings up all the emotions, and that’s how you can relate to each other. And also, you know, the person listening can realize like, that took some some courage or it took something they wouldn’t have done that unless it mattered, right? unless it was important to share. So I appreciate that and then it builds the trust that way.

Adam G. Force 07:49

It goes a long way. I remember I was writing for this. What’s his name? Brian Cameron was last name. He has a really great website. You know, he I forget, what’s the name of that was an odd name. It was not a real word. And that’s why, and I haven’t read it. So anyway, I wrote for and he gets when you put an article out on his media platform, you’ll get you know, we have had over 1500 shares, let alone views, right. And so one time, I decided that I was going to be a little more vulnerable and a story that I told, and I told the story about when I was younger, and I was in wrestling. And what was really vulnerable was, the story was about how, how our results can change from one day to the next, just based on how we’re thinking. And really interesting. And the vulnerable part was I put a picture of me when I was a young kid, and I was on the little podium with my little trophy and wow, I mean, it’s an embarrassing photo. I’m in my little thing singlet I put it out there to all those people, right because The lesson that I was trying to share from an entrepreneurs perspective to other entrepreneurs, to me was really important. And yeah, I have to share that story sometime. But it’s like, it was. It was the strangest thing. I’m tempted to share it, but I don’t want to take up…

Danielle Sutton 09:17

The thing already…You’re blushing even now and you already shared it 1500 times. Already shared it 1500 times. Yeah, but I mean, that’s a picture is worth 1000 words word sometimes. So it’s interesting that you mentioned the picture there because again, people will see it in a flash and they can put themselves, they can imagine Oh, imagine being like a little wrestler kid. And what the story is about you were fighting or wrestling a guy who was way bigger

Adam G. Force 09:44

I’ll tell the story in under three minutes. You ready? So by the time I completely freaked out and I had to do a doubleheader in wrestling. All right, so I was at a wrestling tournament. And there was this kid I was actually a really a pretty good one. wrestler and I was in the finals. So I was watching the semifinal match right to see who I would be wrestling. And there’s this kid named his name was Luke. And so he goes out there and he’s like this crazy nutty, like, full of energy kid. And he goes out there and within a minute he, he throws the other kid and broke his a collarbone. I was like, Whoa, dude, like, this kid’s an animal. Like, I gotta go out here and wrestle him. He’s gonna break my arm. And it freaked me out. So I go out there and within a minute, he pins me I’m embarrassed. I’m like, oh my god. So my father talks to me. And he’s like, Adam, you’re just as good as him gave me the whole pep talk. Right? And so here’s where it gets interesting. The next day, I had to wrestle that kid again at the the one on one team meet. Right. So that was a tournament which was just more random. And so I had to go back the next day, get on a bus and so that night, I was like saying to myself what my dad says like you’re just as good as him. Do this and really trying to get my head. I mean, again, I’m young kid, I think I was 1011 years old. We get there. And then you know, they’re playing the national anthem. And I’m like, we’re all lined up on the edges of a mat. And my heart is like racing out of my chest. And then finally, I’m the first match because I’m a small guy, I was the lightest So first, as soon as that national anthem was done, I had to go out there and face my biggest fear. And I ended up we had one of the best matches in my life. So ended up winning like for for 16 points to 14 points. And I won the match. I mean, so nothing changed from the day before to the next day where I got pinned in less than a minute. It was just getting myself time to think the right way and believing in myself right from a little some words of encouragement from pops, right. So to me, it’s just a really great example of how your mindset can really dictate your behavior because you’re acting through fear and reservation and all that stuff. So that was my story about that.

Danielle Sutton 12:01

That’s good. I like that. You know what that actually reminds me of an embarrassing story I can share that’s related

Adam G. Force 12:07

Fire it up.

Danielle Sutton 12:08

I don’t think I’ve ever told this to anyone. So you guys know that really famous TED talk about I should know the name but I but I don’t, but it’s in one of the top 10 about using your power poses, right to get, like physical stance can help you get in, get confidence and present yourself better. So I went to a startup pitch competition in Brazil about seven years ago

Adam G. Force 12:34

Cool.

Danielle Sutton 12:34

And we were living in Chile at the time, building my business for… I had no idea what I was doing. But applying to different startup competitions was something I had done and happened to get chosen to go to Brazil, Sao Paulo and the way it was structured it was for social impact organizations. So that part was really great because often I was sharing about my work with other startups. had nothing to do with social impact. So, I mean, I was excited to be there. But you had to present to two talks, two pitches. One was a one minute pitch in your category. And then if you saw, I think there was eight startups in the education category. And if you were one of the top two, then you had a chance to do a five minute pitch after that. So on the way there I had to basically prepare and memorize a one minute pitch and a five minute pitch had no idea if I was going to do the five minute pitch, like in Brazil did not speak Portuguese and it was like a whole adventure. But I can vividly remember standing in the washroom, doing the power bombs before one of the pitches I forget if it was the before the one minute I think it was before the one minute pitch. I was like, I gotta psych myself up. I went there by myself, you know, I I didn’t have any kind of friends or support people there and anyways, they join us He did tell me that I need to get sick too. And so I was like fighting a fever and I’m in the wash. Okay, I got to do the power pose. And I actually I nailed the one minute pitch and I was shocked when they said, you’re gonna do that you’re in the top two. You’re gonna do the five minute pitch. I was like, Oh, crap. Now guys. Remember what I prepared for that? And it’s all you know, in the same day. Anyways, it’s so I’ve done….

Adam G. Force 14:25

I need a picture of that power pose, okay?

Danielle Sutton 14:26

Yeah, I can’t demonstrate now because I haven’t like holding my computer. I don’t have a table in front of me. But you know what I mean, TED talk. I love that.. Oh, yeah. Mindset is everything. We talk about that a lot in that debate, as well.

Adam G. Force 14:41

And keeping just in mind as we talk about sharing our vulnerabilities like when you’re in especially it goes for any time in business, but especially in those early zero $10,000 a month. Like we’re building relationships, this is the focus so, you know, connect with people share your life lessons and make sure they’re aligned with your business. It’s not just random stuff, but like, don’t be shy to put yourself out there because you know, when you own your past and you like become confident with it and you’re willing to share with other people, you grow as a person to write.

Danielle Sutton 15:12

True, yep, it’s win win for sure. And, but like we said, at the top, the point is not just, like you said, share random things. It’s really to, hey, I’ve been there, I understand where you’re at. And guess what I learned something that might be helpful for you and help you avoid this pitfall, or at least not fall as deep or at least, you know, do the exact same thing right after you heard my story. At least, you know, we both been there and that feels magnetically right. So it goes a long way.

Adam G. Force 15:44

You know, we just shared on a coaching call to like, I don’t know if anybody listening knows Russell Brunson and some people love them. Some people hate them. That’s the way these things go. You know, he’s a great marketing mind. And he went on stage for two hours and told every failure story that he’s had. I mean, just the deepest of darkest like failure. And afterwards a woman, he told me this, and we interviewed him. And he told me this. He was like, you know, this woman came up to me afterwards. And she was like, thank you so much for sharing all that. Because I realized now that I’m not the only one, I’m not alone. And I was about to give up, throw in the towel, and you really have re inspired me to say, Yes, I can do this. Like, if you went through all that, and you still succeeded, I can do it too. So that relatability the lessons that were learned and just feeling like you’re not alone. I mean, these are powerful things. You know, she’s probably loyal now, as a customer to you know, his business just because there’s this connection. It’s like, hey, let me tell you a secret kind of thing that we talked about, right. So it’s a beautiful thing. All right, listen, I guess we’ll wrap up. But I think that those are some really important takeaway. So you might look at this lightly, but I would take it very seriously when it comes to creating your network, right building an audience like really creating like actual relationships with people and It’s not just about throwing up ads and trying to sell, sell, sell it’s connect with people build a really strong foundation for your business.

Danielle Sutton 17:07

Yeah, love it. And if you’re watching, let us know if you have a story about this inaction or you know if you’re inspired to share vulnerable post or a failure story and let us know what happens because it’s always Yeah, it’s always surprising and yet not surprising, you know, like, it helps you connect with people for sure.

Adam G. Force 17:26

Yeah, we will see you on the next live. All right, guys. Take care.

Danielle Sutton 17:32

Bye.

Adam G. Force 17:34

Thanks for tuning into the Change Creator podcast. Visit us at Change creator.com forward slash go big to get access to free downloads and other great resources that will drive your business forward.

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